i'm happier now

thanks to anyone that gave a shit whether you expressed so appropriately or not (mostly not, alas). in the meantime...

HUNGRY

MISSING: ME

after a bout of the flu which left me incapacitated throughout the weekend, I've managed to find a new place to live and gainful employment for the next two weeks. more than anything, i am met with silence, indifference and even hostility... i'm a bit overwelmed and even confused... my tendency is to shut down, and so i have.

so long...

M

PS - i think most of you suck. Chances are good if you're reading this, you don't, but I wouldn't put it past you.



MOOD: fuck off

why?

obligatory post-birthday pontification post

31. not bad. i think when i was a kid i imagined that as an adult i would have a moustache and smile at girls more confidently. i was only half right.

i also thought that i would be an archaeologist at one point. how that thought ever came to me i'll never know, but i'm used to accepting such mysteries in life. other aborted career notions: fireman (i think this career or police officer is a prerequisite dream of growing up white middle class), professional wrestler (my name was to be SC-Steel Chair and the reasons should be obvious), and even actor (it was easier to dream about in high school before witnessing the realities of that career aspiration).

the way things have turned out are good. my friend mike observed that with each passing year, it gets better. this, of course, is an entirely subjective viewpoint, but it happens to be fairly true for me: the lowest point in my life thus far was in my early adulthood right out of high school. the formative years therein were fraught with depression and self-doubt and i took a lot of time to explore some of the possibilities of what i wanted in life. i've never stopped.

and while i can say that i feel extraordinarly lucky and blessed in my career of late, i'm far from being completely satisfied and years from still reaching my goals. what are my goals? i have a few specific projects i'd like to see get made, but i think ultimately it always comes down to that one elusive ideal that haunts so many: happiness. keep reaching for that, and i believe you will experience a beneficial and humane evolution. keep asking the hard questions, and don't sell yourself short by letting yourself off the hook. if not you then who? convenient self-deception is way too easy in my book. just look at our government.

so tell me i'm wrong. i can always straighten out my life in my '40s.

HAPPENING NOW

31.1 MB

Chicago Christmas Slideshow Movie (with commentary)

Goodness! I should think not...

Well, the holidaze has come and went and well, I feel the better for it. I don't know about y'all but I'm very grateful to come from a relatively low-drama family, at least that's how i see it. But all whatnots aside, my time in Chicago was a wonderful combination of holiday and vacation and celebration. Seeing friends and family was a good time on the whole, and having Jen there to experience it alongside made it more special. While this sort of positive exclamation of happiness is maybe slightly out of character for me, I would nonetheless like it noted that I have put forth the effort not to be remembered as a grinch.

A ton of stuff seems to spiral out of nowhere and life takes its course. It's been that kind of year for me and '05 is launching me into an uncertain, but positive, future. Most pressing, however, is my need to find new lodging. I'm hoping to move by Feb. 1, so you - yes you, reader - if you should hear of any living situations for a bachelor looking for a single living situation, please think of me!

More on all of this - oh my yes - later, but in the meantime, here is an offering in the tradition of true holiday giving...


CRAZY MUMS