obligatory post-birthday pontification post

31. not bad. i think when i was a kid i imagined that as an adult i would have a moustache and smile at girls more confidently. i was only half right.

i also thought that i would be an archaeologist at one point. how that thought ever came to me i'll never know, but i'm used to accepting such mysteries in life. other aborted career notions: fireman (i think this career or police officer is a prerequisite dream of growing up white middle class), professional wrestler (my name was to be SC-Steel Chair and the reasons should be obvious), and even actor (it was easier to dream about in high school before witnessing the realities of that career aspiration).

the way things have turned out are good. my friend mike observed that with each passing year, it gets better. this, of course, is an entirely subjective viewpoint, but it happens to be fairly true for me: the lowest point in my life thus far was in my early adulthood right out of high school. the formative years therein were fraught with depression and self-doubt and i took a lot of time to explore some of the possibilities of what i wanted in life. i've never stopped.

and while i can say that i feel extraordinarly lucky and blessed in my career of late, i'm far from being completely satisfied and years from still reaching my goals. what are my goals? i have a few specific projects i'd like to see get made, but i think ultimately it always comes down to that one elusive ideal that haunts so many: happiness. keep reaching for that, and i believe you will experience a beneficial and humane evolution. keep asking the hard questions, and don't sell yourself short by letting yourself off the hook. if not you then who? convenient self-deception is way too easy in my book. just look at our government.

so tell me i'm wrong. i can always straighten out my life in my '40s.