Karmageddon

My friend Carrie-Ann forwarded these to me, and admittedly im' not a fan of forwarded email humor in general, but these are pretty damn funny.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the litter-ature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Mugs in reverse

So here's my retrospective montage of self-portraits and other shots of me spanning the last five years. It's about 350 pictures in under 3 minutes and plays in reverse chronological order. Starting with pictures i even took as recently as yesterday and going all the way back to before God The Band recorded RAWK! and starred in Hedwig & The Angry Inch. The music I used is called "Joy" by Apollo 100, a rocking version of Bach's "Jesu, Joy of Man" piece. It's been used in Boogie Nights and recently The 40 Year Old Virgin. I wanted to do some more work on finessing the slideshow, but there's only so much Mugs that Mugs can view when working on a Mugs picture show.

today i am 33

Well, today it's happening. I can no longer claim to be 32 nor can i claim to be 23, though that stopped a while ago. I've been practicing at calling mysef 33 for the last month or so, preparing myself mentally so that it wouldn't sting as much when the day rolled around. And the truth is, it doesn't sting at all, but for some reason this feels more important than turning 25 or even 30. The whole 'quarter of a century old' gag doesn't seemimportant when you're too busy having fun. But this one seems different. like the double-digit collection of 3's is some sort of barometer marker on the game of life and i'm hedging past the first portion. certainly i know more now than i did 10 years ago, or at least i feel like i know people better than i did back then. And certainly I don't have the youthful fancy of hope in trying to be a successful celebrity as I did then, but then again, i still feel like i have a ways to go before i willconsider myself a success.

i recently looked over the last 5 years of my life as i was importing all of my digital photos into a comprehensive iphoto library and can't help but notice signs of aging in my face and body. in fact, i can think of no other period in my life where i noticed my physical aging as quickly as i have in these last few years. i can only assume it goes quicker from here. i do have more white hairs now then i did even a year ago and my figure has decidedly lost its svelt propensities. As recently as last weekend, Jen and i hopped into a bar and the bouncer asked for our ID's but as he took a second look at me he said, "No, you're ok..."

OK? Yikes... apparently my mediocrity rises in direct proportion to my age.

Perhaps this sounds negative, but it's not. i'm not bitter about turning 33 nor do i look back at my life so far with regret. Well, ok - maybe some regret here and there, but nothing that i feel justifiably would call for the use of a time machine. i've made good decisions and bad decisions and i am the sum of those parts. i do wish that some of my relationships with some of my former friends were in better shape, but wisdome dictates only time can do that healing since i can't control how otheres perceive me. On the other hand, my relationship with jen rock continues to grow and evolve in ways that continue to surprise me. it's ironically becoming my most mature relationship to date.

I'm far from satisfied professionally or artistically, but I'm inspired to strive for that greater fulfillment. There still exists within me a hope to accomplish bigger and better things, and things that I am probably unaware of even wanting to accomplish in the first place. Values do tend to change over the years, and as I round this cornerstone I am confident that more change and evoloution lies ahead. I've been through a lot in my life so far, and I am grateful for the chances and opportunities that this life has given me. Now I need to start making some new ones...

Well, without getting too preachy or pretentious I should just wish myself a happy birthday and try to enjoy what's left in the day. After all, you only get to turn 33 once...

m

PS - stay tuned for a self-indulgent slideshow of self-portraits!