today i am 33
Well, today it's happening. I can no longer claim to be 32 nor can i claim to be 23, though that stopped a while ago. I've been practicing at calling mysef 33 for the last month or so, preparing myself mentally so that it wouldn't sting as much when the day rolled around. And the truth is, it doesn't sting at all, but for some reason this feels more important than turning 25 or even 30. The whole 'quarter of a century old' gag doesn't seemimportant when you're too busy having fun. But this one seems different. like the double-digit collection of 3's is some sort of barometer marker on the game of life and i'm hedging past the first portion. certainly i know more now than i did 10 years ago, or at least i feel like i know people better than i did back then. And certainly I don't have the youthful fancy of hope in trying to be a successful celebrity as I did then, but then again, i still feel like i have a ways to go before i willconsider myself a success.
i recently looked over the last 5 years of my life as i was importing all of my digital photos into a comprehensive iphoto library and can't help but notice signs of aging in my face and body. in fact, i can think of no other period in my life where i noticed my physical aging as quickly as i have in these last few years. i can only assume it goes quicker from here. i do have more white hairs now then i did even a year ago and my figure has decidedly lost its svelt propensities. As recently as last weekend, Jen and i hopped into a bar and the bouncer asked for our ID's but as he took a second look at me he said, "No, you're ok..."
OK? Yikes... apparently my mediocrity rises in direct proportion to my age.
Perhaps this sounds negative, but it's not. i'm not bitter about turning 33 nor do i look back at my life so far with regret. Well, ok - maybe some regret here and there, but nothing that i feel justifiably would call for the use of a time machine. i've made good decisions and bad decisions and i am the sum of those parts. i do wish that some of my relationships with some of my former friends were in better shape, but wisdome dictates only time can do that healing since i can't control how otheres perceive me. On the other hand, my relationship with jen rock continues to grow and evolve in ways that continue to surprise me. it's ironically becoming my most mature relationship to date.
I'm far from satisfied professionally or artistically, but I'm inspired to strive for that greater fulfillment. There still exists within me a hope to accomplish bigger and better things, and things that I am probably unaware of even wanting to accomplish in the first place. Values do tend to change over the years, and as I round this cornerstone I am confident that more change and evoloution lies ahead. I've been through a lot in my life so far, and I am grateful for the chances and opportunities that this life has given me. Now I need to start making some new ones...
Well, without getting too preachy or pretentious I should just wish myself a happy birthday and try to enjoy what's left in the day. After all, you only get to turn 33 once...
m
PS - stay tuned for a self-indulgent slideshow of self-portraits!
i recently looked over the last 5 years of my life as i was importing all of my digital photos into a comprehensive iphoto library and can't help but notice signs of aging in my face and body. in fact, i can think of no other period in my life where i noticed my physical aging as quickly as i have in these last few years. i can only assume it goes quicker from here. i do have more white hairs now then i did even a year ago and my figure has decidedly lost its svelt propensities. As recently as last weekend, Jen and i hopped into a bar and the bouncer asked for our ID's but as he took a second look at me he said, "No, you're ok..."
OK? Yikes... apparently my mediocrity rises in direct proportion to my age.
Perhaps this sounds negative, but it's not. i'm not bitter about turning 33 nor do i look back at my life so far with regret. Well, ok - maybe some regret here and there, but nothing that i feel justifiably would call for the use of a time machine. i've made good decisions and bad decisions and i am the sum of those parts. i do wish that some of my relationships with some of my former friends were in better shape, but wisdome dictates only time can do that healing since i can't control how otheres perceive me. On the other hand, my relationship with jen rock continues to grow and evolve in ways that continue to surprise me. it's ironically becoming my most mature relationship to date.
I'm far from satisfied professionally or artistically, but I'm inspired to strive for that greater fulfillment. There still exists within me a hope to accomplish bigger and better things, and things that I am probably unaware of even wanting to accomplish in the first place. Values do tend to change over the years, and as I round this cornerstone I am confident that more change and evoloution lies ahead. I've been through a lot in my life so far, and I am grateful for the chances and opportunities that this life has given me. Now I need to start making some new ones...
Well, without getting too preachy or pretentious I should just wish myself a happy birthday and try to enjoy what's left in the day. After all, you only get to turn 33 once...
m
PS - stay tuned for a self-indulgent slideshow of self-portraits!
posted by Mugs at 11:51 AM
1 Comments:
I don't have a lot of friends my age these days...so it's nice to read the introspection of someone a few months ahead of me (hehe), especially one I've "known" since age 12. There is something about 33 that I can't figure out either...it just sounds so... official. At 32, you can still sort of get away with reckless, juvenile antics, but 33...you better damn well have things figured out. I don't know. It's just a number, but one I'll be hitting in about 5 months, and I can't say I'm looking forward to it.
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