Sunday, March 06, 2005

i am ok

hello all. i am sorry for raising the level of concern for me to "high alert." i have spoken with both my mother, father and step-dad (RICH) at this point and have agreed, per their request, to see a psychiatrist to talk about what is happening here. It can't hurt - i'm no stranger to therapy - and if i find it beneficial, i will continue to see the shrink and even consider going on meds to help stabilize my manic swings.

Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be spending too much time at the therapists, as the wheels are all in motion on the triple threat of PSS/135G/KILLER. The pieces are falling into place with a remarkable and disconcerting ease and I know I'm not the only one who is feeling a little rattled and scared with the prospect of the revolutionary success I envision for these projects.

Know this... I am not god. I am not stable. I need help.

While this sounds like, well... a plea for help, it is. I need help to keep me grounded and focussed on the matter at hand, and to be reminded when a situation that I purport to have no control over could be easily remedied with a simple intervention. I regret and deeply apologize to you all for any inconvience I may have caused...

But the fact is also this - I'm 31. My ex is 20. And I went through this once before only with a sorry lack of success to account for it. What's happening now is entirely different, as my perspective on this, as i perceived it, a "test." It was the scariest test of my life and I passed it with flying colors. I took what was a re-tread on the road of "Uh. oh... M has taken too many drugs and thinks he's god again" to networking with the hospital staff, playing my cards as close to the chest as I could, and finding that everyone was interested in this project and, for some reason, absolutely believed that KILLER is already a reality. It's only now a reality in my head exclusively, but that will change soon enough.

Please call or write me as I do need help in this transitional phase into the next level of life: better :). And the beauty of my biz plan is really and truley that everybody wins. So please please all hands on deck, and let's do some art.


PS - The deciding moment to call 911 was when I began to run upstairs towards the roof with a ladder. Everyone thought (and reasonably so enough) that I was ready to jump. The reality of the situation is that I was getting ready to project the powerpoint presentation on the roof that I had created while I was cooking an amazing dinner for our guests. Oooops!

PPS - Let's do it right this time. And hey - let's be careful out there.

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